Too many of us were raised to think that in order to lose weight, look great and be accepted, we needed to deprive ourselves of food and happiness. Being on a diet is miserable but, hey, as I remember being told as a young girl many times, “Beauty hurts.”
But that was wrong. That was the kind of wrong that isn’t like, “Oops, I forgot to feed the dog today” wrong. That is toxic, life altering, traumatic wrong.
Approximately 91% of women are unhappy with their body image and resort to dieting to try to achieve their ideal body type (Palmer, 2014)
58% of college-aged girls feel pressured to be a certain weight (NAANAD, 2014)
More than 1/3 of the people who admit to “normal dieting,” will merge into pathological dieting. Roughly 1/4 of those will suffer from a partial or full-on eating disorder (Geary, 2014)
95% of people with eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25 (NAANAD, 2014)
I was one of those girls. One of those with an eating disorder based on how I was taught, through the behaviors I observed in the adults in my life and it almost broke me.
We have to stop the narrative of needing to look a certain way in order to be valued and while as parents, we may not explicitly say those words to our kids, our actions teach it. When we ask if an outfit makes us look fat, if you eat a different, unsatisfying meal than your family does, if you look at yourself in the mirror and mumble less than positive words about how you look, if you tell your daughter she can’t wear a bikini….you are saying to your children that their value comes through their weight and to be valuable, you have to look a certain way and deprive yourself.
You are essentially teaching that “beauty hurts”
Instead, we HAVE to shift our mindsets about the fact that food is fuel. Our bodies were designed to NEED food and whether we trust it or not, it KNOWS how to use food to keep us strong, lean and healthy.
The problem is we don’t do right by our bodies and we use food to hurt it, not help it.
So how do we use food as fuel so it not only allows us to reach our optimal goals, but so that we model positive, empowering language about body image, self worth and how loving food and being lean isn’t an “either/or” scenario???
1.) Learn what foods are truly healthy, not just because they say so on the package. So many things that we THINK are healthy are actually sabotaging our goals. Check out Mark Hyman's book, “Food, What the Heck Should I Eat?” by clicking here,
2.) Don’t ever count calories or points. Calories in vs calories out is a totally antiquated way of looking at nutrition and its mind boggling to me that it’s still a common practice. Instead, you can figure out your macronutrients (proteins, fats and carbs) and determine what the right balance is that you should be eating. Want to know more about how to do that? Click here for an awesome free guide with tons of info and ideas!
3.) Eat frequently, small meals of the right combinations of proteins, fats and carbs. Our bodies respond to eating proteins, fats and carbs extremely well when we eat relatively small meals every 3-4 hours. We will actually train our bodies to feel hungry and thus boost our metabolism.
4.) Keep your blood sugar balanced. Keep from added sugars, especially from processed foods and dense carbs like white bread and white potatoes. Add foods with more fiber to your routine. The more we eat sugars, the more we crave and when our blood sugar is out of whack we lose energy and gain unhealthy weight. Also, when we eat the right combination of protein, fats and carbs, at the right time in the right amount, our blood sugar naturally balances itself and we automatically gain energy as well as lean muscle.
5.) Eat clean. When we eat garbage, our body treats us like garbage, by producing fat cells to try to protect if from the toxins. Eating clean involves eating whole, unprocessed foods as much as possible while keeping in mind the balance of eating proteins, fats and the RIGHT carbs at each meal.
6.) Be mindful of what you are saying to your kids. Not everything we communicate is through words. Your actions, your mindsets your language all send very powerful messages to your children about food, their body and their self worth. I communicate that food is meant to fuel us, that strength wins over skinny. That working towards optimal health will naturally get us to our optimal weight, which is in line with exactly how God designed each of us according to His perfect plan.
Understand that science has thrown all need for diet and deprivation out the window. Remind yourself that food is fuel and just because you have always thought a certain way, doesn’t mean you can’t shift your mindset!
Beauty shouldn’t hurt. And if it does, you are doing it wrong.
Beauty is being educated on how to be strong, confident and healthy. Beauty comes from the inside and shines on the outside, regardless of the number on the scale.
Carrie
Interested in disrupting everything you THINK you know about nutrition? Join me for our next 4 Weeks 2 Wellness Lifestyle Launch!! Click here to learn all about it!
References
Geary, Kevin. “What Girls Are Taught About Health and Fitness (Roundtable).” The Rebooted Body. Accessed February 24, 2014, http://rebootedbody.com/038/
Palmer, Mario. “5 Facts About Body Image.” Amplify. Accessed February 24, 2014, http://amplifyyourvoice.org/u/marioapalmer/2013/05/21/byob-be-your-own-beautiful .
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. “Eating Disorders Statistics.” ANAD. Accessed February 24, 2014, http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics/.
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. “Eating Disorders Statistics.” ANAD. Accessed February 24, 2014, http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics/ .
I need to stop thinking I am fat and not attractive.
Yes, you do, me too.
Well maybe I was one of the lucky ones in a way. I never say that message from my mom. She was a good body weight not too skinny and not over weight. She never said to me does this make me look fat. I remember in my teenage years it was my girlfriends that did that. We wanted to look pretty for the boys. I do remember in my 20s I would say to a few friends it doesn’t matter what size dress you wear as long as you feel good in it. That’s what mattered to me.
A sales lady was helping me with buying a skirt. She kept saying you need the smaller size. I told her I don’t wear skin tight clothes. I wanted the larger size since it fit me better. She looked at me like I had to heads.
I am on this journey to yes lose some weight now that I am in my 60s but to feel good and eat healthy.
I have been far my whole life. My brothers always made fun of me. An uncle even told me because of who my family was I would always be fat. I would like to learn about nutrician and be healthier.
You are spot on! So many people have thought they needed to do what they were taught growing up. It is refreshing to learn there is a better more effective way. Anxious to learn more!
I love what you stated above and I am going to use that to continuously remind myself…”Beauty comes from the inside and shines on the outside, regardless of the number on the scale.”
Beauty comes from the inside and shines on the outside…wonderful thought. I need this…ready for changes in my thought pattern. Thank you!
i was always told i was fat growing up..i am 58 and it is still hard to get out of your mind..so i need a whole new mindset..and im hoping this will help me like myself also…which i never have..
This article actually makes me sad. My biggest issue is that I KNOW a lot about nutrition and I know to eat clean (my kids eat 80 20). My issue is obsessive thoughts about eating and a constant craving for something that I cant figure out (though nothing satisfies it). I want so much to learn/train my brain to simply eat to fuel my body.
Carrie,
Congratulations for getting where you are today. I am hoping to be able to learn how to figure the magic numbers for PFC.
I have to learn that it is okay to not be my mom and closet eat. I was taught not to eat around men. I was taught that being thin was the only way to “win’ a man. I was taught that if you ate a chocolate bar for dinner than you just skipped dinner. I was told to put a smile on my face whether I was happy or not because that was what others wanted to see. I need to be confident in me and who I have become. I am not my mother- I need to be comfortable with not being enmeshed.!
It’s funny. I would never judge someone else on their appearance or tell them that they needed to look a certain way. However. I beat myself up all the time because I cannot get comfortable in my own skin.
I was always told I am beautiful but I never view myself as that. Beauty comes from the inside and how you treat others. That’s what we should be teaching our kiddos. We need more happiness in the world there is too much violence.
I need to learn how to stick to the balance eating, I can loose weight but then over time I gain it again 🙁
I have never had to deal with weight issues until peri menopause. Now I’m 52 and in menopause. I’m starting to see the things I’m not doing correctly with my sugar and carbs.
This article definitely brings up how I was raised. Appearance and weight were important and I felt inadequate because I have always struggled with my weight and was heavier than my cousins.
I was told by my mom that I was a pretty girl but I would even be prettier if I would just lose 20 or 30 pounds. I became bulimic in high school because that was the only way I could eat what I wanted and lose weight:( I unfortunately did the same thing to both of my kids. My son knew he was overweight, but he did not need to be constantly reminded of it. My daughter was maybe overweight by 10 or 15 pounds which is not really overweight but I told her she needed to lose weight:( My mom would also tell my kids they were overweight and I did not stop her! Now that I am in DN I hope that my kids which are now adults and both very overweight, see what I am doing, they may fall in line and ask me for help. I hope so:(
I have recently started thinking about my relationship with food. I feel as if I’m addicted to sugar. I can’t sleep at night without it. I know I don’t eat enough or if the right things. I want to be an example to my son and help him have a good relationship with food.
I read the words “Beauty Hurts” and I take this to a whole different level. My feelings on this have to do with jealousy and acceptance. Being older your mindset changes. You can always change your thoughts and overcome your past. I’m ready to learn more about balancing my blood sugar!